Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
