just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
