Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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