I hope mine doesn't look like that
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
