that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
