I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
