p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
