don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
