i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Randomize
