Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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