I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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