I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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