How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
