I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
