What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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