We named our party play list daddy issues
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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