i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
