At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
