Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
