His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
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all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
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He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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