The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
