Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
