Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
