I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
