You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Boobs speak an international language.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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