if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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