You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
