"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
