You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
