Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
