I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
