did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
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Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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