Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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