Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
