When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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