Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
