She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
