I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
