I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
