i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
