Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Congratulations! We have a period
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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