Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just gift wrapped bread.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
