she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I need a burrito and a hug.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
