then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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