My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
it's like iHOP with fire
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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