so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Never underestimate the power of titties
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
