Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
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