My first STD was from a foam party
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
