I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
