I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
