I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
