Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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