He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
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