I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
