i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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