he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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