I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
