Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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