I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
