I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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