LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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