u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
