First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize