Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Randomize
