he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
