Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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