I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
