i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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