I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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