I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
