Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
