Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
