he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
