i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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