You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
