yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
