he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
