my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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