2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
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I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
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She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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