Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
